Listen to the post read by Jo. or read below. This piece discusses incest abuse. If you’re a survivor or supporter seeking resources, head over to Incest AWARE or Sibling Sexual Trauma.
At the 2024 Democratic National Convention, I witnessed the brave Hadley Duvall share her incest story by her stepfather, her impregnation at the age of 12, and her gratitude to have had access to a safe abortion. In front of over 20 million viewers, Hadley boldly said:
“What is so beautiful about a child having to carry her parent’s child?”
For the past few years, I have heard the word “incest” used from the lips of President Joe Biden, to advocate for safe abortion access for pregnant persons after the overturning of Roe vs. Wade by the Supreme Court:
“The healthcare crisis is women can’t get an abortion even in a case of incest, even in the case of rape.”
I have been following legislators, as they discuss exceptions to abortion bans — or the lack thereof — for rape and incest survivors. Articles are being published all over digital and print platforms using the stories of incest survivors to push progressive agendas for safe abortion access or defend conservative ideologies of fetal personhood regardless of the method of conception.
I hoped that when the word “incest” finally made headlines on this many platforms that I would feel relieved. But instead, I just feel confused.
When #MeToo went viral across social media in 2017 due to years of labor by Black activist Tarana Burke, I waited with bated breath to see my story represented on screen and in the news. I wanted sexual abuse to be called out not just in government and sports, churches and businesses, or the media and schools, but also in the home. Not just between strangers and colleagues, coaches and priests, or teachers and friends, but also between family members.
Of reported cases of child sexual abuse, 93% of people who harm are known by the child — one-third of these are family members. They are parents and grandparents, stepparents and foster parents, aunts and uncles, siblings and cousins, live-in partners and babysitters. Due to the ease of access and the social and legal protections of the nuclear family system, incest abuse cases tend to begin at younger ages, extend for longer periods of time, and be more aggressive than other forms of child sexual abuse.
However, due to social ignorance, as well as a history of the silencing of survivors, incest abuse remains one of the most underreported and underprosecuted crimes in the United States. Even with the high rates of incest abuse against children, the media remains mostly silent on this issue, even after #MeToo.
In response, I began to publish my own story. I was raped by a number of men in my family beginning at the age of two. I developed Dissociative Amnesia, a coping mechanism where the brain forgets traumatizing incidences.
By 22, I could hardly move from the internalized trauma.
By 24, I began to retrieve my memories of incest abuse.
By 25, I had disclosed to my family and lost everything.
By 31, I went public with my story.
I very intentionally identified as an “incest abuse survivor” in all of my published pieces against the advice of friends and mentors.
“Incest is too strong a word,” one said.
“Your activism won’t be effective if people stop reading due to the discomfort caused by that word,” another said.
I replied as tears welled up in my eyes.
“How can we solve the problem if just the word ‘incest’ makes people squirm?”
Personally, I was never impregnated by those who assaulted me, but other survivors in my community were. They gave me permission to share their stories.
Charlotte Lozano, an incest survivor and disability rights activist, was impregnated by her stepfather. She planned on getting an abortion, but miscarried naturally.
Nancy Allen, an incest survivor and a funder of Incest AWARE, was raped and impregnated by her physician father in middle school. When he recognized her condition, he took her to his clinic and gave her abortion pills.
Incest abuse is already a deeply traumatizing experience that can impact survivors for a lifetime. From health issues to economic instability, relationship challenges to self-harm, incest abuse can restrict a child from ever learning and creating a foundation of external and internal safety, even into adulthood. Being impregnated by a family member, then systemically forced to carry that child to term, compounds the already debilitating trauma of incest abuse and recovery, putting the survivor at further risk of lifelong symptoms management or suicidality.
However, the burden of incest abuse rests on everybody, not just survivors. Just the financial costs include healthcare, criminal legal processes, child welfare, education, as well as productivity losses. According to Darkness to Light:
“The average lifetime cost per victim of child abuse is $210,012*, costing the U.S. billions annually. These expenses are largely paid for by the public sector – the taxpayer.”
Safe forms of intervention like abortion access most certainly need to be available for all pregnant persons, especially incest abuse survivors. Safe intervention is an imperative step to a holistic model of care for survivors, but prevention is equally as important. The abuse should never have happened in the first place. Charlotte and Nancy should never have had to get abortions. I, too, should have been raised in a safe home.
So what about the necessary activism and legislation to prevent and end incest abuse?
I ask progressive legislators who are concerned about the bodies and futures of incest abuse survivors, to be introducing legislation that first and foremost prevents incest, then intervenes safely, supports survivors and families through recovery, as well as ensures that people who harm are unable to reoffend. To begin, we first need current evidence-based research to understand how prevalent it is. The good news is that we already have a model.
In 2021, #MeTooIncest went viral in France. In response, the French government created the Independent Commission on Incest and Sexual Violence Against Children, which collected thousands of testimonies from childhood sexual abuse survivors, as well as interviewed a number of professionals in the field. They published a report of their findings (translated to English by Incest AWARE), as well as proposed solutions.
According to the report, 8 out of 10 participants are victims of incest abuse, while 7 out of 10 victims have suffered the violence repeatedly. The report includes 20 recommendations that address how to create a “culture of protection” through methods of prevention, intervention, recovery, and justice including:
Increasing social awareness through education.
Systematic identification of victims by trained adults and professionals to relieve the burden of disclosure from children.
Removing people who harm from homes immediately, while keeping the child in their safe and familiar home environments.
Creating safer ways to guide victims through the judicial process.
Financially compensating survivors to support their multi-disciplinary, lifelong healing efforts.
As an incest survivor, I ask US legislators to shape a similar coalition and commit to gathering our stories to create systems of change. This will show survivors like me that you deeply care about breaking cycles of incest abuse from the very beginning, so that there’s no reason a girl, woman, or pregnant person would ever need to get an abortion due to the sexual abuse of a family member.
Together, we can develop a culture of protection in the United States that seeks to prevent incest abuse from happening in the first place, while supporting those of us who have been harmed through safe methods of intervention, recovery, and justice. It’s time for #MeTooIncest to gain traction in the United States to ensure that the next generation of children are safe.
*Fang, X., Brown, D., Florence, C., Mercy, J. (2012) The economic burden of child maltreatment in the United States and implications for prevent. Child Abuse & Neglect, 36:2,156-165
Thanks for this, especially the link to the translated French report. I plan to read it gradually over the coming weeks. Also what you say “How can we solve the problem if just the word ‘incest’ makes people squirm?” I believe a very big part of the endeavor is writing and speaking enough about incest and related issues to bring people to feel anger and a desire for change instead of squirming, cringing, and dissociating from the issue.
As a French person, I strongly agree, and I didn't know the CIIVISE report had been translated into English. I'm glad the reckoning we're having with the widespread and structural nature of incest is helping to raise awareness of it in other countries too.